Carth, Outside the Jedi Temple

From time to time I’m going to share old posts that are no longer available from my personal blog. This snippet of fanfiction is one such post, from somewhere in the early 2010’s. Enjoy!

Another bit of kotor fan fic this morning, set post-kotor. Alternate reality in which kotor2 doesn’t exist. It’s a bit heavy.

Another Jedi council meeting that he was on the outside of. But when had it been any different? He thought back to when he had first gotten tangled with the Jedi, after Taris and rescuing Bastila.

Bastila had informed him that they needed to speak to the council. In person. Most definitely not by holocom. With her unique stare of superiority and secrets, she’d given him the coordinates for Dantooine. She’d practically dragged Revan from the ship on landing. It would be quick, she’d said. Yeah, try nearly a month of losing at Pazaak to a wookiee. Half the time he’d had been stuck on Dantooine, Revan and Bastila had been in secret Jedi business meetings. He’d been bitter then, though much more so now.

He had saved Revan, helped the Republic defeat Malak and destroy the Star Forge, and still he was relegated to the outside. He was not a Force user, and so here he was, on the wrong side of the door. At least Courscant wasn’t as humid as Dantooine. And if he wanted to, he could leave the temple and find something to do. But the council was interfering with their lives – again – and he couldn’t leave her alone for that.

Certainly, there was a part of him – not insubstantial – that was grateful to the council for saving and rebuilding her. He never would have met his witty spitfire of a wife if they had let her die as Darth Revan. But what they had done to her exactly, their utter lack of remorse for the complications and the strings that were still attached; all that made him angry. It had become clear that the council had not thought past her leading them to the Star Forge. They had not considered the possibility that Revan would remain true to the light, let alone that she would live through the ordeal. That left them with a conundrum. She had proven herself such that they could not imprison her, but they couldn’t allow her to be completely out of their reach either. The result of their debating was the much despised ‘nanny council’ that she now answered to.

While she took it in stride – at least outwardly – he could not. They decided to take a trip to Telos on a whim once so that he could show her where he came from; they had been chased down by a Jedi cruiser within two hours. She’d had to undergo a week of psychological evaluation before the council gave their permission for them to marry. But to show any remorse for the half-assed way they had wiped her memory? No, that was out of the question.

But then again, they didn’t have to deal with the consequences, did they? Not on a human level. They didn’t watch her launch into a story about her mom and sister, only to stop halfway through as she wrinkled her nose in confusion. She wasn’t sure whether the story she was telling was true or implanted. They didn’t see how embarrassed she was at times, unable to reconcile who she was, who she had been, and who she remembered. They didn’t have to sit there and hold her after she woke up screaming, having remembered something terrible.

That was why he hated answering to them. They didn’t care about the mess that they had created, they just wanted her kept in line. The weight of it was getting to her at times, he could tell. Her face was more gaunt, her personality more muted. It had been ages since the words ‘nerf herder’ had passed from her lips. They both knew that they were being watched. One fight in a cantina, one sweetener packet falling into her pocket, and the council may decide that she was too dangerous to live.

The thick metal door beside him slid open. Revan was alone. When she saw him, she smiled, but he could see the pain behind the carefully placed smile. As she stepped through the doorway, she took hold of his arm and began to lead him down the hall, away from the council chambers.

“What went on?” he asked.

“We can talk about it in a bit. Let’s go back to our place first.”

Carth stopped. Revan let go of his arm and sighed. He could see her facade crumbling.

“Yes, okay?” she choked. Tears began to stream down her face, and her body shook. For a moment, he thought he could feel the Force flowing through her body like electricity.

“They did it? They really did it?”

She nodded.

He felt anger surge, and for a moment he was light headed. He took a deep breath, forced himself to focus on her.

“All of the things they didn’t think of, but they made sure that you wouldn’t be able to have children?”

She nodded.

Carth wrapped his arms around her, and her composure dissipated.

Carth Onasi is Waiting

From time to time I’m going to share old posts that are no longer available from my personal blog. This snippet of fanfiction is one such post, from somewhere in the early 2010’s. Enjoy!

I haven’t written fanfic in a long time. This is also a very raw piece. I did not proof it, I did not edit it. I had to write my daily 750 words, and I had some extra time to kill while waiting for some files to copy over to my new hard drive … so I thought, hey, why not?

My point is, I am not saying that what I wrote is perfect or anything. But I decided to give Carth a happier ending than Kotor2 gave him, and probably a happier ending than swtor would give him, since they made Revan a male, canonically.

Carth’s eyes opened suddenly. His breathing was rapid, his heart racing. It took him a few moments to re-orient himself to his surroundings. The room around him was dark, with the faint glow of the city peeking in through the shades on the window. He was in his bed, with the covers pulled up to his waist. The light nightshirt he was wearing was drenched in sweat, and he now felt the chill as it clung to his back. He glanced over at the spot next to him on the bed. She was there.

Of course she was there. She was always there. But that didn’t stop the nightmares.

He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus enough for his heart to slow down.

“You’re getting too old for this, Onasi.” he thought. Nothing that had ever happened in real time had made his body react as strongly as this recurring dream he’d had the last several months. Not when he’d combed through the wreckage on Telos, when he had found out that Dustil had joined the sith, or even when he had found out that the woman he had fallen for was a former sith lord.

The nausea that always came a few minutes after this dream washed over him. He took another deep breath, slid the covers from his waist and walked to the washroom. The first few times that this dream had happened, he had been so weak that he had been forced to crawl. He wasn’t sure now that his body was any stronger, but he had gotten used to the feeling of being completely drained when he woke.

He carefully slid the door shut so as not to wake her, though he knew that this was unnecessary. The light flicked on and he turned on the faucet. He ran his fingers through the water and splashed his face, though his clammy skin seemed colder than the water. Another deep breath. The nausea was beginning to abate, and his heart was slowing down. He turned around – on the nightstand, she had placed another shirt for him. It made him smile. He pulled the sticky, sweaty mess from his body and tossed it into the laundry container next to the nightstand. Every night, she laid out a new shirt for him; her way of supporting him through the nightmares. He knew that she would wake up with him if she could. But the only way for her to sleep at all was to be sedated at night. The memories of what she had once been were just too much. Even the strongest woman in the galaxy was not immune from waking herself up with blood curdling screams. He would much rather that she be allowed to have a peaceful rest, even if it meant that he had to work through these nightmares alone.

With the fear of the dream gone, Carth felt tiredness begin to creep back. He flicked off the light, slid the door open, and made his way back to the bed.

She was still there. She always was.

He pulled the covers back over his waist. The sheet underneath him was damp, as usual. They would deal with that in the morning, as usual. She was curled up on her side, one hand underneath the pillow, the other wrapped around her. He watched as her shoulders rose and fell with the rhythmic breath of deep sleep.

It had been seven years since Malak and the star forge. She was not going to chase some disturbing memory that she had unearthed. They had dealt with her memories – together. Even the deepest darkest ones that he wished to the stars he didn’t have to know. She would not disappear to the outermost reaches of the galaxy, leaving a droid to tell him the news. He would not need to comb every piece of information, both Jedi and Sith, looking for where she had gone. Whereas the first few years, they had traveled the galaxy, trying to right some of the wrongs that she had done, they lived comfortably and peacefully here – not far from the Jedi temple. While she had refused to take an official council position, she and Jolee did stop by periodically to see how the padawans were being trained.

Because she was here, he would not meet a mysterious Jedi who had been silenced by the Force and ask her to relay the message that he was waiting for her. He would not need to, because it was only a very disturbing dream. Revan was next to him, just as she had been every night since the destruction of the star forge.

The only waiting that Carth Onasi would ever have to do was for her to wake up.